


Bad Obsession

by dustnbonesss



Category: Guns N' Roses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:28:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 11,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25879672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dustnbonesss/pseuds/dustnbonesss
Summary: An unexpected turn of events forces you and Izzy to reevaluate everything you thought about each other.
Relationships: Izzy Stradlin/Reader
Comments: 6
Kudos: 17





	1. The beginning

Oh no…no, no, no.

All you wanted was a simple life, but it had a way of messing you around. You might be partially to blame, considering the amount of alcohol you’d consumed the previous night, but at no point did you imagine this was going to happen.

You glanced at the sleeping figure beside you, his dark hair sprawled out across the silk pillowcases and his breath coming out in long, quiet snores.

You bit on your lower lip, maybe it was a coincidence you’d woken up here, maybe you hadn’t…nope, a quick peek under the duvet revealing absolutely no clothes whatsoever squashed that thought.

Fuck, what was the time? You’d promised to help Duff with the guitars early today. He was the reason you were here in the first place, you’d known him since you were both kids, tagging along to almost every show he ever did. It was partly to support him, but also because you found everything so fascinating.

When he announced he was moving to LA, you were heartbroken. You couldn’t imagine what you were gonna do without “Duffles” around. It wasn’t romantic between you at all, you were just best friends who could spend months together and never tire of each other’s company…

“But, what am I going to do without you?” you sniffled, reddened eyes peering up at Duff as you tried your hardest not to cry.

“What do you mean?” Duff seemed genuinely confused, he took a few steps closer and placed a hand on your back.

“It’s okay, I’ll make it work, this is your dream and I want you to be happy,” you nodded, deciding against the whole ‘don’t leave me’ act.

“Y/N, you know we’re like a duo right? What was it you called us the other day?”

“Buy one get one free?” now you were confused, your eyes stopped tearing up as you stared at him.

“So why would you think I’m going without you? We’re moving to LA,” he chuckled, patting the hand on your back.

You’d been with him through the whole thing, meeting the band, the arguments, the succession. Duff taught you everything he knew about guitars, and now you were one of the people who kept the guitars in check and tune.

You’d developed close relationships with the band, minus Izzy, he was always a hard person to get close to. Not that you were intentionally trying, and it wasn’t like you didn’t get on. He was there when you had a blazing row over the phone with your family, the one that left you crying for days, you hadn’t seen them since.

You sighed, how were you going to get up without him waking? You didn’t feel ready to confront whatever had happened just yet. You slid out of the bed, careful because you knew he was a relatively light sleeper, finding your clothes in the dark proved to be quite a task but after a few minutes you’d successfully found them all.

You exited the room, slowly closing the door and sitting on the floor to put your boots on, where it wouldn’t stir him.

“Y/N? What were you doing in Izzy’s room?”

You froze mid-zip, your eyes travelling over to the voice to find Duff and Axl’s faces plastered with mixtures of confusion and shock. They hadn’t expected this, neither had you.

You finished zipping up your shoes and stood up, gazing blankly as you tried to think of exactly what you should say. Duff’s eyebrow raised expectantly, Axl’s lips had curved into a smirk.

“C‘mon, we can discuss this later,” Duff rolled his eyes and started walking towards his room, you and Axl on his tail.

“So, some girl once told me his cock almost split her in half, how true would you say that is?” Axl grinned, that cocky ‘I know I’m making things worse’ grin.

“I bet he’s into choking and shit, looks like the type, is he?”

“Axl, knock it off,” Duff warned as you approached his hotel room, Axl stifled a laugh but stopped anyway, Duff wasn’t someone anybody enjoyed pissing off.

Nobody spoke of it again for the next hour, you helped Duff tune up all of his guitars so they were ready for rehearsals tomorrow and Axl laid there and watched, Slash and Steven walking in and out as they pleased. Slash wasn’t too happy this morning, he never listened when you warned him to stop mixing JD with wine, it’s never going to end well.

When the guitars were put away, your stomach started rumbling, loud enough for everyone else to notice it anyway.

“Let’s go get some food,” Duff suggested.

“Great! I’m starving,” Steven beamed.

“Sorry, Stevie, I meant just us. I’m sure Axl and Slash will take you to get something though?” he glanced over at Axl who nodded in response, his eyes flickering between you both.

You began heading out with Duff, pausing for a second when he stopped to turn around.

“Get Izzy up? He needs feeding too.”

Okay, good sign, he wasn’t pissed with Izzy.

You only really spoke about the next show while you were trying to find somewhere local to eat, the occasional story cropping up from last nights after party too. You settled on a small, slightly hidden place that claimed to have the best pancakes in the area.

Suddenly, Izzy sprang back to mind and your hunger just wasn’t there anymore. What were you going to do?

The waitress came over, writing down Duff’s order of pancakes and black coffee before turning to you.

“Uh, just a coffee please,” you mumbled, Duff shook his head immediately.

“And the same pancakes as mine, thank you,” he ordered for you, waiting until the waitress walked off to ring it in.

“You’re starving, why don’t you wanna eat?”

“I just…feel a bit off.”

“Alright, time we address the elephant in the room. What happened last night? Did you and Izzy-“ he didn’t get to finish that line, you interjected pretty quickly.

“I…I guess? I don’t remember a lot but I woke up with nothing on, what am I supposed to say? I’ve probably just made everything so awkward. Then again, if I hadn’t woken up beside him I’d never remember, maybe he doesn’t remember,” you began rambling, convincing yourself of the chance.

“If he didn’t remember, Axl’s probably already told him. Fuck, I thought you were getting a bit flirty with each other last night but I didn’t think this was gonna happen.”

“Wait, what?”

“You were all over each other at one point, you don’t remember Slash cheering you on while you were grinding against each other? You split after that, so we thought it was just some playful dancing, definitely didn’t think you’d fuck.”

You definitely did not remember that happening at all, you sighed and placed your head in your hands.

“Don’t worry, I’m not like pissed or anything…I just. I know what Izzy’s like. And I know I have to be neutral no matter what happens, which you know I hate doing when it comes to you,” he shrugged, ah yes, if you and Izzy start fighting Duff just can’t get involved. You never expected him too, you’d got yourself into this.

“I know, I know,” you waved a hand dismissively as plates of pancakes were set down in front of you.

“It’ll be fine, I’m sure,” Duff smiled, trying to reassure you, “now, eat up, we’ve got a long day ahead.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, my tumblr is http://dustnbones.tumblr.com if you ever want to keep up with it there, I'm usually better at updating it on there first 😂


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You still can’t remember what happened, and Izzy’s mood only seems to be getting worse.

You were in much better spirits as you walked back to the hotel, Duff had successfully taken your mind off of any worries you had about what was to come. You’d spent the remainder of breakfast cracking jokes, reminiscing on childhood events and discussing all of the reasons why Duff thought you were panicking over absolutely nothing.

You dipped into your room, grabbing your bags so you could carry them to the tour bus. You glanced in the mirror on your way back out, how much had you even slept last night? The dark circles were a telling sign that it hadn’t been much.

You shrugged and left the room, heading downstairs and handing in your room key to the uninterested looking receptionist before making your way to the bus. As you stepped on, you were greeted again by the band. Most of them.

“Where’s Iz?” Duff asked as he walked on behind you, almost making you jump when you heard him.

“Didn’t want breakfast, he was catching up on his sleep, you must’ve tired him out last night,” Axl snickered, shooting a glance your way. 

You couldn’t help but notice the grimace on Duff’s face in response to Axl’s statement, but you pretended not to see.

“Wait, what am I missing here? Why would Y/N tire him out?” Slash curiously quizzed, looking between you and Axl.

“Caught her leaving Izzy’s room this morning,” Axl shrugged.

“Oh my god! It was you! I wondered who the fuck Izzy was dicking down, have you never heard of ‘people are trying to sleep so be quiet’?”

If the ground could swallow you whole, you really wish it would happen now. You couldn’t even say anything back, you just paused for a moment before sitting down on one of the sofas.

“How about we change the subject?” Duff mumbled, running his hand through his messy blonde hair.

“Hey, sleeping beauty!” Axl chimed as Izzy stepped onto the bus, closing the door behind him as the driver began your journey.

Izzy nodded his head towards him in acknowledgement, mumbling greetings to everybody else, but his eyes never once landed on you. You frowned, were you going to get the silent treatment?

Axl noted the awkward tension in the air, clearing his throat as he offered Izzy a cup of coffee to wake him up. Izzy sat at the table, nursing the cup and staring down at it with a thoughtful expression once it was handed to him.

“Right… So, the set list for tomorrow…” Duff began, that’s when you started tuning out.

You took in Izzy’s tired demeanor, although the coffee was slowly beginning to bring him back to life, his eyes were drooping ever so slightly and his lips were pursed. You desperately tried to remember something… Anything from last night, but you kept falling short.

Izzy’s eyes found yours, caught you as you stared at him in thought. He raised an eyebrow and looked away, leaving an anxious feeling in your stomach. Maybe last night was really bad? Maybe you’d said something that upset him?

You picked up your bags and took them towards the small room that was yours, you were usually lucky to be the only crew member who got to share a bus with the band, but right now you’d rather be on the other bus.

You sat down on your bed, fiddling with a piece of thread that was coming off of your jeans as you half listened to the conversation outside while replaying as much of the previous night as you could recall in search of what had caused the problem.

“Iz? You alive?” Steven was asking him, he must’ve not been paying attention.

“I’m gonna go take a nap, my head’s killing me,” Izzy grumbled, you heard some movement which you assumed was him getting up.

Hearing him walking towards your room, as his room was just past yours, you decided to get up and walk to your door.

“Izzy?” you called, making him freeze in his tracks, he turned to look at you with an impatient expression.

“Are you alright?”

“Fine. Did you want something?” 

Okay, you must’ve definitely annoyed him last night.

“I just… Did I do something to upset you?” you tentatively asked, hoping the answer was a no, hoping it was just the hangover putting him in a mood.

“Na.”

Then he was gone, shutting the door to his room and turning the lock so he wouldn’t be disturbed. You frowned as you stared at the spot he’d been in, then you turned to see four sets of curious eyes watching. Duff offered a small and apologetic smile, which you returned before retreating to your own room. Maybe a nap would solve the problem, for now.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It all starts coming back to you...   
> A/N: Smut included in this chapter in the form of flashbacks.

Izzy barely left his room the entire day, only really moving to use the bathroom. Duff, being his usual mother hen self, made sure to knock and pass on drinks and food throughout but nobody else saw him. What on Earth was going on?

“Spill, what did you do to Izzy?” Axl had tried interrogating you, a suspicious gleam in his eye, but it hadn’t lasted long once you’d told him you couldn’t remember a thing from the night before.

You sighed as you grabbed an ice cold beer from the fridge, taking it with you to sit at the table. As if it was some kind of trigger, that first sip suddenly had the memories flooding back to you.

_“Izzy! Stop,” you giggled as his arms wrapped around you, playfully pulling you towards his room._

_“C’mon, Y/N, it’s too early to go to sleep yet. Join me,” his slurred speech made you giggle again as you rolled your eyes and let him pull you along._

“Yes?” Slash was staring straight at you, you shook the thoughts from your head as you were brought back to planet Earth.

“Uh, what?” you replied, you hadn’t heard a thing he’d said, how long had he been talking to you?

“I asked if you wanted something,” he gestured towards the pizza boxes that were being carried onto the bus.

“Oh, sorry, I’m good.”

He nodded and stood up, wasting no time in taking a whole box for himself. You watched them arguing over it for a moment, Axl claiming Slash was stealing his favourite flavor while Duff hesitantly tried defusing from the sidelines.

_“We shouldn’t do this,” he mumbled, his hungry eyes staring into yours as you disregarded your shirt and threw it aside._

_“Do you want to stop?” you murmured, pausing from doing anything further until he’d given confirmation he wanted to._

_“Never said that.”_

_He smirked as you finished undressing, leaning against the headboard to watch the sight of it. He was already undressed, his cock pressed against his stomach and swollen with desire._

“I swear to God, if you don’t stop arguing I’m going to make you walk the rest of the way!” Duff’s exasperated tone dragged you from another thought, Axl and Slash still going at it over the pizza.

Axl pouted as Slash reluctantly offered him half of the pizza, but he accepted nonetheless and the fighting calmed down. It was a constant cycle, honestly, Axl and Slash at each other’s throats and then pretending nothing had happened. It was exhausting sometimes, but you were pretty good at ignoring the pair of them for the most part. Duff grabbed a few slices and put them onto a plate, taking it down to Izzy’s room.

_“Turn around.”_

_His voice was so commanding, it sent chills through your spine. You never hesitated, moving onto all fours quicker than you thought you could._

_“Good girl,” he murmured, running his warm palm along your back for a moment, tracing lines along your spine, before lining himself up and swiftly slamming into you with no warning._

_A cry of his name left your lips, causing him to tighten his grip on your waist as he thrusted into you over and over, other hand wrapping your hair around it and pulling harshly._

_“Fuck, you’re tight. That’s it, taking my dick so well, fuck,” he mumbled, each word sending jolts of pleasure to your clit, the huskiness in his voice only adding to the experience._

“Can I eat your box?”

“Excuse me?” you blinked, staring at Slash with a dazed expression.

“Pizza box, Y/N, not everyone in the band wants to get into your pants,” he snickered, making Axl laugh along the way. Duff slapped him on the side of the head, you smiled at that.

“Go for it.”

_“That’s it, baby, cum for me,” he encouraged, feeling the clenching around him as he pounded away at your sweet spot._

_You couldn’t hold it any longer even if you tried, entire body seizing up for a moment as you began tingling from head to toe. You were only vaguely aware you were screaming his name, and before you knew it, he was holding still and shooting his cum inside you with soft, hushed moans. Sounds that were heavenly to you, you knew they didn’t come out often._

_After pulling out, you both crashed onto the bed, soft laughs filling the room as you faced each other._

_“Iz?”_

_“Hm?”_

_“What does this make us?” you gestured to your naked bodies. He stiffened at once, the question throwing him off guard._

_“What do you... It’s just sex, it doesn’t mean anything.”_

_“Oh, cool, just checking we’re on the same page.”_

Finishing off the last of your beer, you slammed the bottle down on the table, startling everyone else in the room. And Izzy was the one who was mad? You scoffed as you stood up, ignoring Duff’s worried glances as you made a beeline towards your own room and shut the door behind you, that was enough for today.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Izzy’s becoming intolerable as he tries to keep his distance from you, and a party leaves you both raging.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so Izzy's kind of a dick in this chapter, but it'll all make sense in future chapters, I promise! So be kind to me pls, I was worried about posting this one😂

Catching up on your sleep put you in a great mood, for about five minutes anyway. Until you’d remembered why you went to bed early in the first place.

“Time to get up, we’re almost there!” Steven’s loud knocks had woken you up, fuck, you’d slept a long time.

You stretched as you got out of bed, picking out some clothes and heading straight into the bathroom. You were pleasantly surprised it was free, Axl and Slash usually took turns hogging it to get ready.

You didn’t look down the small hallway once, not wanting to interact with anyone just yet, you needed to have a relaxing shower first.

After shutting the door and stripping, you turned on the water and stood underneath it. You ran your hands through your hair, letting it soak while you absentmindedly began doing one thing you were great at, overthinking.

Maybe Izzy wasn’t mad, maybe he thought it was best to keep his distance from you in case you wanted more out of him. It would make sense, even if it wasn’t exactly a gentle approach. You hadn’t ever thought of wanting anything from him. Sure, you found him attractive, but a lot of people did. Nothing unusual.

Sure, sometimes his rare laughter gave you butterflies. It didn’t mean you wanted to cuff him though.

You took the time to wash your hair, and every inch of your body, but you didn’t want to be the last one ready so once you’d finished you hurriedly dried your hair off and got dressed.

Upon leaving the bathroom, you bumped into Izzy along the way, he was clearly waiting for you to finish.

He didn’t say anything as he walked past you, closing the door behind him and leaving you to stand there alone. You took a deep breath, then you joined the guys on the sofas as they eagerly awaited the next stop, desperate to stretch their legs and get some fresh air.

“So, how long are you guys gonna pretend the other doesn’t exist?” Duff whispered to you.

“I’m not pretending he doesn’t exist, if he doesn’t want to talk to me... That’s fine, that’s on him,” you shrugged, Duff furrowed his eyebrows.

“Well, we’ve got a two week break after this, maybe some time apart might help.”

Yeah, maybe.

Izzy seemed to be in better spirits once you were inside the venue, drink clutched in one hand and a smoke in the other. He was in the corner, joking around with Axl about something. Axl’s eyes roamed the room until he found you, then he looked back at Izzy.

You tried to ignore it, focusing on finishing up tuning Slash’s guitar. You couldn’t help feeling as if they were talking about you, but you were probably being paranoid.

“Right, we gotta get on stage,” Axl announced, starting to make his way towards the door.

You handed Slash his guitar, smiling at his “thank you,” then you did the same with Duff too. Izzy was last over, he took his guitar from your hands and mumbled possibly the most insincere thanks you’d ever heard. Whatever, you let it fly over your head.

—

Guns N’ Roses parties really were something special, no other band ever came close to putting on such a great performance. You’d regretted not eating, as the beer was intoxicating you way faster than you’d have liked, but you needed something to take your mind off of everything.

It was a fun time, watching Slash awkwardly stripping to a song after being dared to by Steven. Axl had done karaoke to one of the cheesiest pop songs, you’d cringed but cried laughing all the same.

It was only as the night was drawing to an end, when it was almost time to get on the bus and get to an airport, that you saw Izzy on the other side of the room. He had a blonde woman on his lap, she was teasingly running a hand along his exposed chest, as his shirt was unbuttoned.

You knew you shouldn’t have been staring, but you couldn’t help it. He seemed vaguely uninterested, up until he noticed you were watching, then he suddenly started giving her all of his attention. Your jaw was hung open when his hand dipped inside her pants, it wasn’t as if this kind of thing didn’t happen often at GNR parties, it was just not what you expected to find Izzy doing.

“Maybe you should have another drink,” Steven pushed a cup into your hand after noticing your gaze, a small smile on his lips.

“Thanks, Stevie,” you nodded, quickly downing half of it in one go.

He patted your shoulder and went off to get himself another drink, having given his to you. Your eyes fell back on Izzy, who now had the blonde kneeling between his legs and unzipping his pants. You bit your lip...you didn’t care, right?

The way his head tilted back and his eyes slid shut once she’d wrapped her lips around him made a surge of both desire and jealousy wash through you, you drank more of your drink as you watched. His hand moved to the back of her head, forcing her to take more of him into her mouth.

When his eyes opened again, you were the first thing he looked at. Eyebrows furrowed for a moment as you held each other’s gaze, then he was quite clearly spilling into her mouth and trying to keep his face composed at the same time.

Enough was enough, you needed some air. You quietly exited the room, not stopping until the cool breeze hit you as you got outside. You lit up a cigarette and sat on a low wall, taking a few moments to glance around at the street lights illuminating the car park.

“Maybe you could call me sometime?” a high pitched, nasally voice sounded.

Izzy was walking out with that fucking...no, be nice. With that girl. He smiled, you knew him well enough to tell it was fake, and gave her an opaque answer as he bid him goodbye and left.

He lit his own cigarette, sitting down on the adjacent wall, gazing up at the stars as he smoked.

“So, having a good time?”

It almost made you jump, you hadn’t expected him to say anything to you at all. You watched him for a few moments, before becoming aware you hadn’t replied.

“Uh, yeah, you?”

“Great time, nothing better than cumming down someone’s throat.”

What was his game? You didn’t quite understand the point of his conversation.

“Groupies, man, gotta love ‘em. Should’ve fucked her before she left, I’m sure there’s more in there though-“

“Can you change the subject?” you cut him off without even really thinking about it.

“Why? Make you uncomfortable?”

“No.”

“What is it then? Did you want to be the one sucking on my cock instead? You haven’t stopped staring at me for days, wouldn’t be surprised.”

“I have not been-“, you paused, glaring as you spoke, “no, I don’t want to suck your cock. Thanks for the offer.”

“Well, shame really, would’ve been nice to see if you actually had any talent.”

“What the fuck does that mean?”

Izzy’s lips were in a taunting smile, his eyes half closed from the intoxication.

“You know, dollface. Look, if you’re gonna catch feelings over some sex, maybe Guns N’ Roses aren’t the band you should be hanging around. I’m sure we can find someone else to tune guitars, maybe you’re better off at home. I meant what I said, just sex, it didn’t mean anything to me. Just another pussy I’ve been in.”

You were shocked, you didn’t even know what to say back. He’d never been this mean, ever, and you were sure part of it was the alcohol but it didn’t excuse it. Anger? Upset? You didn’t know how you felt.

You threw your cigarette and stormed back inside, desperately blinking away the tears in your eyes. The party was over, everyone was picking up their stuff and taking it back to the bus.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Duff stopped you as you picked up your jacket, wiping an escaped tear with his thumb, “what’s wrong? What happened?”

“Nothing, Duff, can we just leave?” you choked out, sensing the gazes of the other boys, and Izzy who has rejoined the group.

“Y/N…”

“Drop it, Duff,” you snapped, he nodded in response and started walking towards the bus with you.

Izzy was laughing with Axl again, and it was just infuriating you further. How could he be in such a good mood after that conversation? After watching you cry?

The bus ride to the airport wasn’t long, although it was long enough for you to secretly make a call and get your own seat shifted on to a different flight.

“Man, what I’d give to be between her legs,” you heard Izzy chuckling to Axl, you felt unable to stop yourself this time.

“Okay, what the fuck is your deal?”

“Excuse me?” his expression soured, turning defensive immediately.

“Are you trying to prove a point? I fucking got it the first time. Just sex, I’m still a nobody to you, cut it the fuck out.”

“Y/N, you need to chill out. I can’t talk about sex with my boys? Because you’re upset it’s not about you?”

“I’m not upset.”

“You were crying.”

“Because you’re an asshole!” Duff was beginning to stand up, ready to stop whatever was erupting.

“Because you can’t take a hint, do everyone a favor and fuck off, your bitching is ruining the mood.”

Just as he said that, the bus pulled up to the airport. You didn’t hear what Duff was saying, probably telling Izzy to back off. You merely picked up your bags.

“I’m on a different flight anyway, so yeah, I’ll fuck off.”

You ignored the band calling your name as you rushed away, blinking away yet more tears as you hurriedly ran for your flight.

“Please!” Duff yelled, and he was one person you couldn’t just ignore.

“Please, just, take time to yourself but come back out with us on the next leg. Izzy’s a dick sometimes, but we need you,” he frowned, watching the tears falling from your cheeks. You nodded slowly, letting Duff come up to you and hug you before departing.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Izzy’s ready to talk, your nerves are getting the better of you.

The two weeks to yourself were so relaxing, so calm, so stress free. The boys left you to your own device, realising it’s probably better to let you get in contact with them rather than the other way round.

You’d slept in most days, and the days you were up early you’d pointlessly driven around to beautiful locations and just chilled out. You hadn’t even had another drink since the last party, your evenings had been hot chocolate in front of the TV.

To say you were dreading the reunion would be an understatement, you’d been feeling sick the last two days because of it. You’d even thrown up this morning. Now, you watched their tour bus pull up outside your house, ready to pick you up.

You breathed deeply as you locked your front door and headed on.

“Hey!” Duff beamed as he wrapped his long arms around you, pressing a friendly kiss to the temple.

“Hi Duffles, hey guys,” you smiled to everyone else. Except Izzy, you’d decided to stay well away from him.

Despite how the last encounter was, nothing was awkward between you and the other guys. They chatted away as if nothing had happened, you still hadn’t looked at Izzy, hadn’t even acknowledged his presence.

“Can we talk?” his voice had the room going quiet, you glanced over to find him watching you.

You shrugged and nodded, standing up and walking towards the back of the bus where there would be a little more privacy.

“Listen, I’m sorry I was a dick that time, I didn’t mean everything I said. I know it upset you, I didn’t mean for that,” he murmured, studying your expression for a reaction, “how about we just try and put it behind us?”

You would’ve replied, had it not been for your stomach lurching. You thought your anxiety had eased but apparently talking to him had the opposite effect. You clamped a hand over your mouth and dashed into the bathroom, throwing the door shut and hunching over the toilet just in time to puke your guts up.

“You good?” Izzy knocked, you could hear from his voice that his expression would be screwed up in confusion.

You finished up and brushed your teeth, splashing some water onto your face before opening the door back up.

Izzy was still standing there, eyeing you suspiciously as you walked out.

“Yeah, behind us, that’s cool,” you replied to his earlier question, he nodded back but kept his gaze suspicious.

“You sick or something?”

“I’m good, just nerves.”

You rejoined everyone else, sitting next to Duff who was doing his usual worrying. Constantly asking if you need a doctor, food, water, sleep…it was endearing, but you just wanted him to relax and move on.

“So, good news, GNR air is back in business so we can actually relax on a flight this time,” Axl breathed out in relief, you had to admit you much preferred the quiet flights.

It hadn’t even been ten minutes since you’d thrown up, and the feeling was overwhelming you again. You bit down on your tongue, you didn’t need to give Duff another reason to worry, but even you were becoming suspicious. Maybe you’d caught something? You should get it checked, the last thing you needed was to get the entire band sick.

“Hey, what’s the first stop?” you asked Duff, he thought for a moment.

“Texas first, Sunday to Tuesday we’re there. Same place as before,” he glanced at Axl to make sure he had the details right, who nodded in response.

“Sweet,” you smiled before excusing yourself.

—

“Yeah, just a quick appointment is fine,” you spoke to the receptionist at a local doctors surgery, booking yourself in for the time you were due to be in Texas.

“3pm is perfect, thank you.”

You hung up the phone, jumping when Axl tapped you on the shoulder.

“Jeez, you’re gonna give someone a heart attack one day, Ax,” you held your chest for a moment.

“Sorry,” he grinned before continuing, “who were you on the phone to? Appointment for what?”

You hushed him, it was easier not to let mother Duff hear, you probably weren’t even sick.

“Just a check up, wanna make sure I don’t have anything contagious. Don’t tell Duff though, please, you know how much he worries.”

Axl thought about it for a moment, glancing over at him.

“Alright, secrets safe with me, can I come?”

“Why would you wanna come? It’s not gonna be fun,” you chuckled.

“I’m sure I’ll need the time away from those lot by then, please?”

“Alright, fine, Monday at 3pm.”

Axl grinned, pretending to write it down on his arm so he wouldn’t forget. You grabbed a bottle of water, the sickness wasn’t letting up just yet.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to finally find out what’s wrong…

Something just wasn’t right, you didn’t feel right. You couldn’t exactly place what it was just yet, but as the days passed you by, you weren’t feeling any less sick than when you’d first got on the bus.

Now in the middle of Texas, the morning after one of the shows, you were busy yet again throwing your guts up when Axl had let himself into your hotel room.

“Jeez, still sick?” he asked as you walked out of the bathroom, almost jumping out of your skin at the sight of him.

“Some warning would’ve been nice, you’ve got a terrible habit of sneaking up on people,” you rolled your eyes but chuckled nonetheless, “yeah, still sick, what are you doing here?”

“We’ve got an appointment, remember?”

“Axl, that’s not for another four hours. And I’ve got an appointment, not us,” you raised an eyebrow and sat down on the bed beside him.

“So you’re telling me I’m up this early for no reason? Great,” he faked a yawn and sprawled out across the bed, making himself comfortable.

“Apparently so,” his fake yawn triggered a real one in you, your eyes watering a little with the action.

Come to think of it, you hadn’t had a full nights sleep in ages. You woke up several times a night, either to be sick or because your mind was in overdrive.

“What do ya think it is?” he mused, eyes staring up at the ceiling as he spoke.

“Probably a bug or something, who knows?”

“There’s not like…I mean…I’m not sure how to ask…”

“Axl Rose beating around the bush, never thought I’d see the day.”

He paused in thought before sitting up again, a serious look crossing his face as he glanced over you.

“Me and Izzy were talking last night.”

“And?” you weren’t sure where he was going with this, an eyebrow raising as you spoke.

“He didn’t exactly pull out, did he?”

Your heart skipped a beat. No, there was no way you could’ve…no. Surely not. You could feel your breathing beginning to speed up at the idea, your eyes wide as you simply stared at Axl.

“He’s um, he’s worried,” Axl added, scratching at the back of his neck, “I had to tell him we’re going to the doctors, y’know, put his mind at ease.”

Could you be? Why hadn’t the thought crossed your mind before crossing Izzy’s? And why hadn’t Izzy said anything to you about it?

“I’m sure it’s…I doubt I-“ you cut yourself off, closing your eyes to breathe through a wave of nausea.

“Are you gonna be sick? Y/N?” Axl stood up, ready to take you if you were.

“I’m fine, give me a sec.”

He patiently waited until you opened your eyes again and nodded, letting him know you were alright.

“Let’s just order some food or something, relax a bit, try not to think about it,” Axl suggested, heading over to the room service telephone as you nodded again.

—

“Y/N Y/L/N?” you heard over the speaker, notifying you it was your turn.

You stood up, Axl hesitantly following, unsure if he should come with you or not. You smiled to let him know he was fine to, then you went into the room announced on the speaker.

“Hello Miss Y/L/N, how can I help?” a young and cheery doctor greeted you upon entry, she was a pretty girl with flowing brown hair, skin glowing with what appeared to be a spray tan.

“I’ve been feeling sick for a few days, I just want to make sure it’s nothing contagious.”

“I see, have you had any other symptoms?”

“I’ve had trouble sleeping, but nothing other than that,” you struggled to fight off a yawn just at the mention of sleep.

“Right, and have you had any unprotected sex in the last few weeks?”

You knew the question was coming, it was always the first thing doctors asked as soon as sickness was mentioned.

“Um, yeah, about three weeks ago?”

That was all she needed to hear for now, she got you to pee in a cup, Axl snickering at how disgusting it was when you’d returned with it, then began running what you assumed to be a pregnancy test.

The room felt so hot around you, despite the ice cold a/c, you could feel your heartbeat racing as Axl tried to offer a reassuring smile, letting you hold onto his hand once the doctor had sat back down to discuss the results.

“Well, Miss Y/L/N, you don’t appear to be pregnant,” you couldn’t help the large sigh of relief that had come out upon hearing that, but it did leave you a bit puzzled on what exactly was wrong, “have you had any cramping? Tiredness?”

“A little, I assumed my period was due,” you shrugged.

“I think you’ve got stomach flu. Quite common, it doesn’t always show every symptom so I’d say you’ve got quite a mild case of it. I’m going to prescribe you some anti sickness pills but it should start clearing up pretty soon.”

What a relief that was, you’d never felt such a weight lifted off your shoulders as you felt right now.

Axl hung around while you picked up the tablets, then you both walked back to the hotel. You took one of the pills along the way as you made your way to Duff’s room, where everyone else was bound to be.

“Hey, where did you guys go?” Duff grinned upon seeing you.

“Doctors,” you shook the tablets in your hand, watching his face contort in concern, and Izzy’s head snap towards you from across the room, “just a stomach flu, should be gone soon.”

“Right, well, early night for you tonight. No partying, no working, just a hot bath and bed,” mother hen Duff was back with a vengeance, you did love it though, it was always nice to have someone taking care of you.

“Got it, early night,” you playfully rolled your eyes, throwing yourself onto his bed as the guys made conversation. Without the feeling of nausea, the tiredness really began kicking in, your eyes slowly closing and succumbing to the sleep you very much needed.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A good night’s sleep leaves you confused on how you feel about Izzy.

Your dreams were wild and vivid, it almost felt like real life. Side effect of the medication or the fact that you were actually getting sleep? You didn’t know.

It was a crowded room, faces coming and going, greeting and waving as they walked past you. You barely noticed them, because your attention was taken by none other than Izzy Stradlin.

He was leaning against a wall, cigarette perched between his lips as his eyes watched you in amusement, his fingers beckoning you to come his way. Who were you to say no?

“Missed you,” he noted as his fingertips grazed your cheekbone, eyes gleaming with something unrecognisable.

“Izzy…” you breathed out as he leaned in to kiss you.

Before your lips could connect, you were jolted awake by somebody shaking you rather violently.

“What the fuck?” you yelled as you sat up, eyes locking with Duff’s apologetic and fearful ones.

“Sorry!” he mumbled with a pout, “just wanted to get into bed and you’re taking up all the room.”

You looked around, it must’ve been the middle of the night, the boys were nowhere to be seen. Biting on the inside of your cheek, you shuffled over and let him get in beside you.

“I should probably go to my own room,” you yawned.

“Na, you’re good here, don’t worry about it,” his tired voice was barely more than a whisper.

“Hey, Y/N? You and Izzy…you’re alright, right?” 

“I think so, why? Did he say something?”

“I know he was talking to Axl, not sure what about. Then when you were hanging with Axl I thought maybe he was passing messages along to you or something,” you could feel him shrug in bed.

“Oh, no, no messages.”

“Y/N?”

“Yes, Duffles?”

“You feel something for him, right? I’ve known you long enough to work out your emotions, and I’d say you seem pretty smitten.”

“I…no, Duff, I don’t,” you turned over so you could face him, his eyes were closed but his face was a contortion of thought.

“Are you lying to me or yourself?”

Duff’s words struck a chord, and you didn’t have much time to respond as his breathing pattern changed pretty quickly, hinting that he’d fallen asleep. Were you lying to yourself? What did the dream mean?

Okay, time to think logically.

Things you like about Izzy;

\- Behind the mask, he’s caring.  
\- He’s intelligent.  
\- He appreciates nature just as much as you.  
\- He’s good looking.  
\- He’s funny without trying to be.  
\- His eyes are full of mystery, behind that rich and beautiful colour.  
\- From what you remember, the sex was pretty good too.

Things you don’t like about him;

\- Unpredictable sometimes.  
\- Doesn’t really do commitment.  
\- Can kind of be an asshole, but he never genuinely means it, not with you anyway.  
\- And then you were stuck, no more would come to mind.

Fuck, you thought, maybe you were lying to yourself after all.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You’re doing a lot better, but the tension between you and Izzy is starting to build up again…this time, a little different.

By the time the next show had come around, you were feeling better than ever. The illness finally passing, you could’ve stayed out all night to celebrate.

They’d performed one more gig in Texas before it was time to move on to Florida, you found yourself sitting up at 4am in the tour bus as everybody else had already crashed out from the alcohol and tiredness of performing.

Having slept so much lately, it wasn’t really on the cards for you at the moment. You lazily flicked through some TV channels, there wasn’t much on so you decided to just leave MTV running while you made yourself comfortable.

You heard a bedroom door open, Izzy stepping out of his and heading towards the main area of the bus, where you were.

“Isn’t it past bedtime yet?” he shot playfully, hitting your ankles to get you to move your legs so he could sit down beside you.

“Funny,” you rolled your eyes, putting your legs back up and resting them on his lap once he’d sat down.

“How are you feeling now?” his inquisitive gaze ran between the television and your face.

“Way better, I think it’s gone now, thank God.”

“Good, had me worried for a while,” it was as if he hadn’t meant to say it, clearing his throat as he looked away, “I mean…”

“Glad there’s no baby, I get it,” you smiled, trying to help him out with his words. He nodded back in response.

“Yeah, that. Listen, I still feel bad about the whole party thing a few weeks ago. I know you haven’t caught any feelings, I’m not sure why I was trying to rub another girl in your face. It wasn’t like me, I’m sorry,” he murmured, focusing on you again.

“It’s all good, Iz, really,” you reached out and patted at his cheek, the touch felt like electricity had just shocked you. You pulled away, quickly but discreetly, and coughed a few times.

“I might try and get some sleep, you know Duff will only worry if he catches me here,” you began, shuffling to get up as Izzy agreed, “you should sleep too. Goodnight, Iz.”

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

He watched you walk off before pinching the bridge of his nose, eyes closing as he sighed, he was sure the last few weeks had been ageing him.

There was just something about you, something he couldn’t ignore. No matter how many groupies he slept with or how much alcohol he had, ever since that night together, everything was different, and it scared him.

He wasn’t a fearful man, far from it, but the feelings overtaking him were new and unknown. Then he had the issue of Duff, Duff definitely would hate him. Then there was you. You’d agreed to the ‘just sex’ thing, so you couldn’t have been interested in him.

Besides, he didn’t want to be tied down. He liked the single life, meant he could think about himself above all else, if he wanted to drive to a desert for four days he could. Nobody to have to worry.

Playing with his ring, he took the time to think back to when he’d first met you. He hadn’t realized how much it tied in with his current situation up until now.

_“Izzy, this is Y/N, the one I was telling you about!” Duff had excitedly introduced you to him, pushing you forward a little so Izzy could see you properly._

_He remembered being blown away, you weren’t at all what he expected you to be. He was expecting maybe a groupie looking chick, or one of those weirdos Duff hung out with that always looked like they were searching for crack. You were so put together, and the ever so slightly revealing shirt had him wanting to see what was underneath, even if he refused to acknowledge it at the time._

_What was always clear was that you were off limits, forbidden fruit is what Axl called you, Duff made it known before you’d even met that there was to be no “funny business” and “you weren’t like other girls” so the guys had no choice but to agree not to hit on you. Axl had tried a few times, he was never going to stick to the plan, but you’d rejected his advances pretty quickly so he’d eventually gotten bored of trying._

Izzy turned off the television, noting it was starting to get light out. He hadn’t known how long exactly he had been sitting there thinking, or convincing himself everything about you was a bad idea, but he shook it off and decided to listen to your advice, sleep was probably the best solution.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taking care of a drunk band wasn’t exactly what you and Izzy had planned to do that night.

“Guys, please!” you practically begged as the band stumbled around in the tour bus.

It was a pretty uneven road, and most of them were so half cut they wouldn’t be able to stay standing up on a flat pavement. Duff was the first to listen, taking a seat on the sofa as his head lulled, the drink making him sleepy.

“Alright, you’re going to bed, Duffles.”

“But…Axl and Slash are still up,” Duff pouted, he actually pouted, he was such a child sometimes.

“Not for long,” you grumbled, trying to help him get up and walk to his room at the back of the bus.

It was a hard effort, his long limbs seemed to flail absolutely everywhere during the process. He tripped and slammed into a wall at one point, disturbing Izzy who had been hiding away from the chaos in his room.

He peaked out to see what was going on, a small chuckle escaping when he saw you struggling.

“Are you just gonna stand there or are you gonna help me?” you glared, pushing Duff’s door open and almost throwing him in.

Izzy put up his hands in surrender, that rare and playful smile on his lips as he took over and commanded Duff to sit on the edge of the bed. You took off his shoes while Izzy took his cowboy hat off and chucked it aside.

“Lay down, Duff,” Izzy’s voice was almost always so strict, Duff whined but reluctantly got into bed anyway.

You both said goodnight to him before exiting and closing his door, one down and three to go. A sudden smash of glass had you both quickly walking back towards the chaos.

“Look what you did!”

“I-I didn’t do it, you did!”

There were shards of glass from an ashtray all over the floor, Slash and Axl bickering over who’s fault it was. You huffed, you were used to this, but it never made it any more tolerable.

“I swear to God, if you don’t pack it the fuck in my fist is going straight-“

“Izzy!” you interrupted his almost threat, shaking your head.

“Alright, Axl…Slash…if you’re innocent, if it wasn’t you who broke the glass, go and lay down in bed.”

“That’s never going to work,” Izzy muttered under his breath, you shot him a look to silence him, then watched him stare in wonder as both boys begrudgingly stumbled towards their rooms.

“How?” Izzy began, but shook his head and stopped mid thought, you giggled at his disbelief before turning to face a very green looking Steven.

“Stevie? You good?” Izzy stepped a little closer, Steven wildly shook his head in response.

“Shit,” Izzy mumbled as he pushed Steven towards the bathroom, making it just in time for him to lean over the toilet, a few seconds later and it would’ve been a night of cleaning for you.

“Iz, make it stop,” Steven whined, you followed in with a bottle of water and a hair tie.

“Here, drink this,” Izzy grumbled and handed him the bottle as you tied his hair back so it was out of his face.

Steven clutched at the water and began guzzling it down faster than you’d ever seen, almost choking himself with it.

“Stevie, relax, you’re gonna make yourself sick again!” you called out, reaching forward to pull the bottle of water away.

Steven hiccuped and frowned, slumping against the cool tiles of the floor and huffing in frustration at his current state. Izzy turned on his heels, beginning to leave the bathroom.

“Izzy, you can’t leave him here.”

“Why not? He’s got water, he’s got a toilet, what more does he need?”

You rolled your eyes and helped Steven to his feet, Izzy watching unamused as you had to practically carry him out.

He helped nevertheless, assisting you in bringing him back to the sofas. You laid him down, grabbing a thin blanket and draping it over him. Izzy grabbed a bucket and placed it beside him, letting him know it was there before collapsing onto the adjacent sofa.

You sat down beside him, sighing in relief as Steven’s breathing slowly turned into snores.

“It’s like having actual kids on board,” you moaned as you tilted your head back.

“Tell me about it,” Izzy agreed, his eyes dancing between you and Steven.

“Next time they want to play drinking games, I’m banning it.”

Izzy chuckled at this, you turned your head to look at him with puzzled eyes.

“What’s so funny?”

“You.”

You smiled, shyly rubbing at the side of your neck as you sat up straight again. You hadn’t really noticed how close you were both sitting until you felt his body heat radiating towards you.

“We make a good team,” you spoke after a few minutes of quiet, Izzy nodded in agreement.

“We do.”

The air suddenly became thick with tension, your eyes were drawn to his face and you couldn’t look away even if you’d wanted to. What was it that was so charming about him? You couldn’t place it, you weren’t sure you even cared to.

Your faces were inching closer, subconsciously or consciously? You didn’t know. All you knew was he smelt like vodka and cigarettes, hints of his signature cologne coming through as you got closer. 

Your stomach was doing flips, butterflies ripping it to shreds as you took a quick breath, both of your eyes sliding shut as your lips almost-

The sounds of retching snapped you out of whatever trance like state you were both in, you flew apart and turned towards the culprit. 

Steven was desperately clutching at the bucket, whining at the same time. You stood up and went over to him, holding it in place as he threw up. You could feel Izzy’s gaze on you, but you didn’t dare look. You were losing your mind, this wasn’t you and Izzy, there were no mutual feelings there, remember?


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Izzy’s mind is split, and you have a bad feeling about the days to come.

Izzy barely slept that night, between looking after Steven once you’d gone to bed and replaying the previous events in his mind, that ship sailed a long time ago.

It was no surprise when the sun rose and he was still sitting on the sofa, having nodded off for a whole twenty minutes before being disrupted again.

“God, why did you let me drink so much last night?” Axl moaned as he left the bathroom after freshening up, he then took a seat next to Izzy.

“You’re a grown man, I’m not gonna tell you when to stop,” Izzy had his eyes shut, a headache coming on due to the lack of sleep and ventilation in the bus.

“Rough night?” Axl quizzed, studying his features, “wanna go for a walk or something?”

“Yeah, sure.”

They both set off, the bus had been parked for a couple of hours while the driver took a rest. Nowhere in particular in mind, they found themselves wandering into an empty park. Well, it was first thing in the morning, most normal people weren’t awake yet.

“Are you gonna tell me what’s on your mind? Or are we playing the guessing game again?” Axl stopped to sit on a bench, Izzy hovering for a moment before following suit.

“There’s nothing really to tell.”

“Bullshit there isn’t.”

Izzy sighed, lifting his sunglasses from his face so he could have a proper look around while he thought about what to say. Axl was his oldest and best friend, maybe speaking to him would relieve him a little.

He began recalling what had happened, the ‘almost kiss’ that Steven had interrupted. Axl didn’t seem all that surprised, he merely hummed along with each detail as he took it all in.

“I can’t say I didn’t see it coming,” Axl responded once Izzy had finally finished his story.

“What do you mean?” Izzy cocked his head, intrigued.

“This facade, you should know I can see right through it, Iz. When she was sick, you never shut up asking me about her. When she was away you moped around for days on end. It’s just as well the other guys think you’re always a moody bastard.”

Izzy jabbed him in the ribs for that comment, Axl merely chuckled and carried on talking.

“Worst part is, Duff would fucking kill you for it. You’re lucky he didn’t come for you after sleeping with her, he assumed it was a drunken one off. But you remember what he said to us, right?”

“Yeah, yeah. Forbidden fruit, I know. I wouldn’t make a move, it’s not like that.”

“Do you want it to be?”

Izzy pondered the idea in his mind, weighing it up. He couldn’t deny to himself for much longer that he was strongly attracted to you, but he never saw himself as a one girl kind of guy. Especially not with Duff’s best friend.

No, he knew his place, and he knew yours. You weren’t an option, never had been and never will. You were like the Mona Lisa, something to be admired from afar but from afar only.

“Na.”

He tried to keep his mind occupied by engaging in endless chatter with Axl, but every now and then you’d pop into mind. He’d find himself wondering if you were up, wondering if you’d noticed he wasn’t there. He shook every thought from his brain, each time faking a smile as he looked at Axl.

—

Down the block, inside the bus, you were searching high and low for the pair of them. You were about to make some breakfast, and everyone had to be up early for telephone interviews anyway, but they were no where to be seen.

A large piece of paper was scrunched up on the table, you unfolded it to find Axl’s handwriting.

‘Gone for a walk, be back soon.’

You assumed Izzy was with him so you breathed out in relief, half worried last night had scared him away. It was all happening so fast, you hadn’t anticipated it.

You’d crawled into Duff’s bed first thing, but decided against telling him. Slash had told you about their agreement years ago, and you didn’t think he’d be happy to know you and Izzy almost kissed.

About half an hour later, the pair of them walked in, spirits high and moods bright. The happiest you’d seen Izzy in quite a while.

“So, there’s this party tonight at a friend of mines, we down? He lives down the road from where our hotels will be,” Slash excitedly announced when walking into the room.

It didn’t take much persuading, everyone was pretty game, but something about it gave you a bad feeling. You weren’t sure what it was, but you had an awful idea that you just might soon.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A party leaves Izzy in the midst of a breakdown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Trigger warning - mentions of drug use.

The atmosphere was buzzing, the drinks were flowing, the music was blaring. Everyone was having a good time, yourself included.

Yet another show had gone off without any issues, so that always put everybody in a good mood, and the party only seemed to raise those spirits higher.

People must’ve heard beforehand that Guns were due to be there, because you’d never seen so many girls turn up to a party before.

They were practically throwing themselves at the guys, which they all loved of course. You couldn’t help but notice Izzy’s reluctance to talk to any of them, but he wasn’t always in the mood for groupies, so you shrugged off his manner.

The guys had been clean of drugs for quite some time now, a decision they’d all come to when it had started impacting their shows and studio time, and you’d gladly assisted them in getting over them.

But these groupies, they seemed to have brought a ton with them, everywhere you looked you could see various people getting high or offering each other whichever drugs they’d brought with them.

You weren’t too worried, the guys were used to the temptation, and they knew the consequences of getting involved with that stuff again, so they generally stayed clear of it all.

Throughout the night, Izzy had kept his eye on you, unbeknownst to you. You were playing on his mind, and he was trying really fucking hard for you to not be.

So when a pretty groupie who had something about her, maybe it was the fact her hair was practically the same as yours, began trying it on with him, he couldn’t help but go along with it. His idea of fucking someone until you were out of his thoughts seemed to work every so often, why wouldn’t it now?

He followed her outside, it was quiet and dark, a bit of a chill in the air. She’d latched on to his lips, desperately trying to score before he could even think of rejecting her advances.

And he kissed back, he went along with it, up until the point of her hand finding its way over his crotch. That’s when he stiffened and pulled away, he couldn’t explain why, but he was suddenly vividly aware that she wasn’t you.

“Don’t be like that,” her sickly sweet tone of voice tried reasoning with him, a pout on her lips.

He shook his head, he couldn’t do it, no matter how much his mind had wanted to. He knew he wouldn’t be able to get hard, he knew his mind would be preoccupied the entire time, there was no use in trying.

When she waved drugs in front of him, telling him it would help him relax, his mouth ran dry. He envied the rest of the band, they’d gotten so used to saying no that it was like second nature to them, yet here he was. Debating it.

He’d frozen as he thought it over, they would definitely help him relax. Hell, he’d probably even be able to fuck her senseless if he took them, plus he’d never quite forgotten the unmistakable high they always put him on.

But when you came outside, somewhat curious as to where he’d gone, although you played it off as getting some fresh air, he was like a deer in the headlights.

You glanced between the groupie, and the bag that was now open and in his hand. Disappointment didn’t explain how you felt, you couldn’t have put your feelings into words. He would’ve taken them if you hadn’t come out.

“Get back inside,” he’d told her, shoving her drugs back into her hands and watching her huff as she left.

Then silence sat thick and strong between you, neither of you saying a word to the other for quite some time. You didn’t know what to say to him, but you were desperately trying to think of something.

“I wouldn’t have actually done it.”

“I don’t think either of us believe that, Iz,” you mumbled, noting the pained expression on his face upon hearing that.

He bowed his head, partially in shame but also in an attempt to mask the emotions he was fighting. The anger he felt towards himself for being so weak, or that was at least what he’d thought anyway, left a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach as he glanced around at the dimly lit street ahead of him.

“Have you...have you done-“

“No, not since the last time.”

Okay, so he hadn’t actually successfully taken anything, that was a good sign. You studied his features, the moonlight contouring and illuminating his pale face as he stared off into the distance.

“I gotta go.”

Then he was off, almost sprinting in the direction of the hotel. You watched him, a sinking feeling in your stomach, you knew something was up and you wanted nothing more than to follow him.

You decided to head back into the party, notifying Axl that you were heading back to the hotel so he could tell Duff, then you jogged your way towards where Izzy had ran off to.

“Iz?” you called when you’d got outside his room, noting his door was left open.

You hesitantly made your way inside, the sight you were greeted with was something you never thought you’d see.

Izzy was leaning against the wall, face covered by his arms and body shaking ever so slightly. You frowned and stepped forward, closing his door behind you.

“Izzy?”

His head snapped towards you, and you could suddenly see a thousand emotions plastered across his face, emotions you never thought he’d show. But in his moment of weakness, he found it impossible to mask over.

“Hey, it’s alright, nothing happened,” you tried reassuring him, stepping close enough to place a hand on his back.

“Nothing yet, what about next time? Y/N, I don’t know how they do it, how they resist them so easily. I can’t fucking do it, I’m gonna end up a junkie for the rest of my life,” his words came out rushed, his forehead pressing against the wall as he spoke.

“Look how well you’ve done so far, don’t discredit yourself,” you reasoned, the hand on his back rubbing slow circles.

He groaned in frustration, pushing himself away from the wall and lightly punching it as he moved to sit on the edge of his bed.

“Why did you come?” he asked, genuine curiosity in his voice, aside from the pain you could hear.

“Because I care about you,” you stated simply, crouching down in front of him and holding his wrists in your hands, “Izzy, I’m so proud of how far you’ve come, you should be too.”

“Why? I’m only delaying my inevitable overdose, I’m too weak minded to stay sober.”

You frowned, his eyes didn’t quite meet yours as he spoke, that sinking feeling in your stomach was returning the longer you stared at him.

“I believe in you, I don’t think that at all. And I’m here for you, whatever you need. There’s nothing weak about you, you’re the furthest thing from it.”

“Furthest thing?” he scoffed, gaze snapping to you, “I can’t even keep you off of my mind, nevermind the drugs,” he froze once he’d spoken, clearly not meaning to say what he was thinking.

You didn’t know what to say back, you were stunned at the revelation, he sighed and looked away again.

“Just...let me help you, please? If you start feeling the need to...you know...just come and see me, I can distract you,” you were rambling slightly but you’d put your point across.

“How are you going to do that?”

It was as if you’d lost control of yourself, you hadn’t noticed what you were doing until your face was inches from his.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Izzy are finding it hard to resist the temptation that is each other. [small smut scene inc]

His eyes were staring straight into yours, almost as if he was daring you to finish making the move. You could feel your blood pumping, there was a faint ringing in your ears too.

Without giving it another thought, you went the whole way and crashed your lips against his, allowing your eyes to close as he started to eagerly return the kiss.

He gently pulled you up from your crouched position, shifting until he was laying on the bed and you were practically straddling him.

“It’s a good distraction technique,” he breathed out once you’d split for some much needed oxygen.

“Izzy, please,” you murmured, letting him wrap his arms around your waist to keep your body as close to his as possible.

“What do you want? I’d give you anything,” he gazed up at you, his hand running through your hair.

“I just...I need you.”

“I’m right here.”

With all the moving around you began doing while kissing his lips again, you could feel him growing painfully hard beneath his jeans. Glancing between you then back up to him, you raised an eyebrow as if to ask permission. He nodded, and you immediately began unzipping his pants.

You shuffled your way down his body, lifting his shirt a little and pulling down his pants just enough to release him, then you licked your palm and wrapped a hand around his length.

You felt him stiffen at the contact, his eyes were wild and watchful as he rested on his elbows.

“Let me show you how proud I am of you,” you whispered, half unsure if he’d even heard, but the gleam in his eyes assured you he had.

Before he could say a word, you wrapped your lips around the tip of his cock, peering up at him through your eyelashes the entire time. He bit on his lower lip as your tongue began to glide against him, sucking in a breath when you’d hit the sensitive underside.

He’d had sex with many girls, more than he could count, but the feeling he was getting with you was so different...so intense. He felt dizzy, he felt drunk, he felt on top of the world.

He threw his head back as you took more of him into your mouth, his hand subconsciously finding your hair again and almost stroking your scalp in endearment as you moaned around his length.

Determined to give him a mind blowing experience, knowing it would help him feel good (even if it was temporary) your hand began massaging and fondling with his balls at the same time. And once his tip hit the back of your throat, you worked on constricting the muscles around it.

“Fuck,” he groaned, bucking his hips up in response.

“Y/N, if you don’t stop...I’m gonna…”

It was too late for him to finish his words, you knew what he was trying to say and you redoubled your efforts to get him there. After a low moan of your name, he began spilling down your throat, which you happily swallowed through as he kept feebly bucking his hips up.

When you felt him soften and relax, the twitching stopping, you pulled off with a pop and wiped your mouth with the back of your hand.

He pulled you up so you could lay next to him, his breathing still relatively fast and his eyes half lidded with the aftermath of his orgasm.

“You’re gonna kill me one day,” you giggled quietly at his sentence, and even he had to flash a small smile at it.

You were ready to ignore the heat between your thighs, this was about Izzy, not you. But he was more than aware that it had been one-sided, and his cock was springing back to life the more he thought about getting inside of you.

He pressed his soft lips to your neck as he rolled on top of you, settling between your legs and relishing in the soft pants leaving your lips as you desire intensified.

“You’re so beautiful,” he mumbled between kisses as he began to lift up your skirt, you couldn’t find the will to respond, brain hazy with want.

You felt your underwear being slid to the side, and then you felt the full feeling of him pushing into you. He was bigger than you usually had, but you were so turned on you barely noticed the pain of the stretch.

When he began thrusting, you desperately clutched at the back of his neck and captured his lips in yet another kiss. He rolled his hips in response, angling them to hit your sweet spot just right.

A loud moan spilled from your lips, which he covered with his hand in order to silence it. You bit his palm playfully, and he began thrusting harder as he chuckled at it.

“The guys might be back, you don’t want them to hear.”

He was right, you didn’t want that to happen at all. You nodded but urged him to keep his hand over your mouth, not trusting yourself to stay quiet without it.

You gasped when the strokes became rougher, and he almost thought he’d hurt you, until he found you shaking and clenching your walls around him as your orgasm began crashing down on you.

“That’s it, baby,” he choked out, eyes closing for just a second as he tried to hold out and let you cum first.

You couldn’t help biting his palm again, your nails digging into the back of his neck at the same time as your body trembled. You felt like you were going to pass out, you’d never had an orgasm quite like it.

He simultaneously felt the same thing, and turns out, the pain of the bite and scratching was enough to topple him over the edge too. He pulled out in lightning speed, his cum coating your shirt as he panted through his second orgasm.

When he’d finished, he took a moment to notice what he’d done, a small smirk playing on his lips.

“Sorry, your shirt was in the way.”

You rolled your eyes, but you weren’t too bothered. He got up and headed to his bag, rooting around until he’d found a shirt you could wear. You stripped out of your clothes and pulled it on, it smelled like him, you liked that.

He stripped down too, leaving himself in just a pair of boxers before climbing into bed with you.

“What do we do now?” he murmured, curious eyes scanning your features.

“I don’t know,” you replied honestly, playing with a ring on his finger.

“I’ve tried, but I don’t think I can stay away from you,” he admitted, you gazed up and ran your hand across his cheek.

“Then don’t.”


End file.
